re: Little Help, Please...

wxnerd — Tue, 29 May 2007 20:21:29 GMT

Oh, you're asking for it:

10) Add a disco ball and smoke machines to the set. Make sure all pocket squares respond to black light.

9) Get rid of the current theme music. Instead, have a live hip hop group. "Yyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhh! GMU up in heeerrrrrrrreee! Close to hizzzzoooommmmeee!" Occasionally have Erika guest on organ when the band plays "Gin and Juice."

8) Have pro wrestling-esque entrances for each member of the GMU team. Bonus points for cool pyrotechnics.

7) Replace James Brown with my conspiracy theory loving mailman, whose name is also James Brown. He can constantly ask Todd Gross questions about global warning, and then relate it to some bizarre theory he supposedly saw on some documentary. Then he can ask Erika if she's married and then get really uncomfortable when she responds. These segments must always end with James saying, "Yeah, I'm the Godfather of Soul, man."

6) Bring in a Gospel choir to sing a "no reports of any crashes" song whenever the condition exists.

5) Give away more stuff. For example, whenever Todd refers to the "triple C," give caller number four a DVD copy of The Perfect Storm. This should not break the bank, as the last time I was at Best Buy, they had the movie for $7.99.

4) Have a word of the day and try to fit it in as many news stories as possible. A good first word: "knickers."

3) Choose a day, and have everybody come dressed as their favorite Teletubby. Have an online poll to determine whether Todd or Mike has the better Tinky Winky outfit.

2) On the first Friday of every month, show no news stories whatsoever during the last half hour. Instead: First Friday Karaoke. Why? Because everybody wants to see Mike McKay sing "Sweet Child o' Mine." I'd even sit through Daniel Salmon and Christiana Brady singing "I Got You Babe" for that.

1) More cowbell.

Ok, now somebody come up with some real suggestions...